An Opportunity That Once Knocked Had Jeffrey Archer At The Door..

I was sitting helpless and irritated in the “placement training” class in my college. It was last session and the English trainer wanted me to go over the dais and talk about the unforgettable day of my life. Ironically, that was the day that became the most memorable and unforgettable day of my life.

On 24^th of May, I realized one of my dreams coming true. That evening I sped with my bike to Nungambakkam Landmark. Cars were parked all around and I had to park my bike at a corner and in the unrestrained joy, I slipped noticing that I was actually heading towards a place that’s between two iron rods, placed at about 5’ from the ground, used as scaffoldings. I did slide my bike amidst the two that were separated by a certain distance in air, but when I moved a little forward hoping to park my pulsar neatly..BANG… my head hit the iron rod and I felt butterflies flying around my head..but no time, I had to hurry, I moved back..BANG..the other one hit my head. Same happy butterflies flew over my head again! Ok Come on now..very meticulously, I parked it there and ran towards the basement. (At this juncture I would like to thank my helmet, the savior of my head and life, without which I would have either had serious head injuries or even the worse… thanks a lot brother!)

Landmark was already full; a small dais was set up with a chair, table and podium with mike, and lot of plastic chairs surrounding it. I ran into the place, banged on some guys and girls during the race-like-run…but wait a minute, not like the way your dirty mind drives u to think..those were only decent “unintentional” bangs..and as I neared the set where the chairs were arranged, I stood behind all of them and found the last one chair to be unoccupied. And then, there she was, a really cute and beautiful girl who walked charmingly to occupy that seat..but if you thought that I would have simply watched her take that seat with my lower jaw hitting the ground, I am sorry you’re wrong, I leaped forward to pull the blue chair away from her, placed it behind me, and happily sat awaiting the big show. She gave me a disgusting look but all I could do was give her back one such better disgusting looks of mine telling her “Sweetheart, I just cannot be the fool today because I want to be comfortable watching him speak on the dais”.

It was sharp 7 PM when the glass door was opened for him to enter the shop and all raised to applause the man, the legendary author and the master story teller – Jeffrey Archer…..

We all applauded joining our hands together for few minutes as he walked towards the dais waving his hand to the crowd.

I just couldn’t believe my eyes. Jeffrey Archer is, according to me, the world’s best author. I haven’t found any other author describing the emotions in such class. You might say Dan Brown, but na, too verbose for descriptions of emotions to reach people instantly and intensively. You might say Sydney Sheldon, except for daunt, I don’t reckon great description of emotions from him. But Jeff is a master; he can slash the others with his language and dons the way of describing actions, emotions and what not…everything. Although I can’t write stories like him, he inspires me to write short articles in the most expressive way and to me, he is the God of Writing.

At Landmark, Jeff started off talking about his life, how he started writing and what brought him fame and money. He told stories of how he strived to make his book Kane and Abel popular but miserably failed at every attempt and how one of the television hosts spoke just a line about the book that raised the rank of Kane and Abel into the Top 10 releases and eventually to the No.1 in the list. Jeff spoke for half an hour and was exhilarating us with hilarious and interesting stories of his life and the books. The last half an hour was questionnaire session and many barraged him with questions of all kind.. personal, writing related, inspiration, books related and just everything… for which this man had all the patience to answer even if the questions were silly. Some of the interesting points he made about India… Jeff seems to loathe the Indian Traffic so much that he often said he would want to be the Transport Minister for India…!! Commenting on T20 IPL, he said it’s not cricket at all!! He said.. “Cricket is the way Rahul Dravid and Laxman play in the heat under the sun for the whole day..”!

In the event Jeff spoke a lot on the way he writes…he said that he would take 55 days to complete his…no no not the book… but the First Draft!! And as he claims, Kane and Abel took him 18 drafts… seriously that’s a lot of patience and from that everybody could understand the passion he holds to produce great books..!!

After about an hour and fifteen minutes, he closed down the speech and the questionnaire session and sat on with the chair with the table forth him to start signing everyone’s books.. and he was very particular that he will sign every book regardless of time and effort it would take…

My brother had purchased his latest novel “A Prisoner of Birth” and was already standing in the queue before I could even turn and say something to him…!! Now that was unfair…I wanted to go and get it signed and my bro was in no mind to hand it to me…so I rushed to the counter and used my card to get another book, ran back to the queue and interrupted the line to stand behind my brother… Now where was this girl who wanted the chair sometime back??? I rolled my eyes all over the place so that I could look at her and point to the chair to say.. “hey you can use that now”..... but nope, she escaped the insult!!

And finally I was there on the dais with the man, the best author in the world signing my book…and as he signed I started to say

“Thank you for visiting India…”

“Oh..Thank you very much…It’s a pleasure” replied the Genius.

“And I am very very happy that I met you”

“OH…Thank you very very much!!”

And I was forced to get down because there was a queue replete with impatient fans to get their books signed. What surprised me was my brother who is renowned for screwing things up in the last minute..(except for the projects in wipro)… actually obeyed me and clicked a pic as I stood beside the great man…. Alas, one good deed for Gods to consider heaven for him….Later I took a close up shot of the star… The following are the pics…

Not many get to meet their inspiration easily and meeting Jeffrey Archer in India is unquestionably something I never expected in my life…. When everything seemed to be obtuse and arid in this phase of my life, this incident squeezed in all the energy and ecstasy… Jeff…You’ll live longer than you would want to, to enthrall us with amazing stories….. Thank you very much...

24^th May 2008 will stay the second best day in my life so far… after 8^th November 2004..

The Satire Of Life

He was running in a strange world; with the sky admonishingly black, the water of the sea poignant grey, the sand hostilely red, giant rocks that blocked the real world, caves that gleamed yellow in the dark and in this alien world humans seemed introuvable.

He could not reason his presence in such a world, with elements dissimilar to the real one. He knew nothing of what brought him there, why he was there, where he had to go and what he had to do.

From the emptiness, rose a melodious tune that impelled his weak eyes surrender to blackness that limned love and beauty. For a long time he exulted in the euphony and as the music waned, his eyes reverted to see the mystic world, but forth him stood a girl; her colours of suffusing and gracing amends to the obscurity of the cryptic world, and to his lecherous eyes, she was his angel. He was attracted to her; he wanted to touch her, feel her, but as he moved close to embrace her, the sand around his feet swirled and bristled up segueing to the priceless thin supple papers of money, encircling him in the invisible air. His mind flushed, the angel disappeared and the desire now aberrated to money flying around him in plenitude.

He picked them one by one, ebulliently, and as he amassed them in his hands, the wind gushed around him, eddied and swirled to form an enigmatic sphere. Gradually, the wind whirled to form many such spheres and they all inscrutably gyrated around him.
In a sudden moment, huge and venomous beasts pierced the windy spheres and emerged out at lightning speeds. They seemed edaciously hungry as they looked at him, howled and leaped on him. In the nick of time, he eluded a beast’s hand and ran faster than he could to evade the giant creatures that were raring to kill him.

With no other place to head, he ran into the dark cave hoping to find shelter away from the beasts but agony accreted with time as in the darkness he found more of them impatient to kill him. Beasts large and huge, devils black and bloody; he ran away from them all, deep into the cave, hoping an exit into a safe and serene world. But the cave seemed endless with the orange gleams weakening synchronically with every step he placed deep into it and soon only the infinite ebony hollow persisted. In no time, the cave showed its dead end and now, to him, death seemed to be certain and painful in the hands of the devils. He turned praying that he be closed in a limpid air but he only saw uncountable agitated beasts moving towards him. Every step he took backwards only told him that it will all be over shortly. He stood there now with no more steps lift; he surrendered and felt his painful end as the beasts held him against the cave’s dead wall, where one lacerated his skin with the virulent nails and other sprang on him to bite him on his neck……he woke up, his body palpitating in shock and fear, in the middle of the night to find himself alive and safe.

He was awake for a long time, mentally tormented, and unable to explain himself why he saw such an evilest nightmare. He thought his past, the times he was audaciously winning by being vice and inhuman. Yet the nightmare showed him all he wanted with fear winning his desire. His mind showed him the tangency of his desirous life and the ironic nightmare. The dream had displayed to him, the sarcasm of his quality, character and his end in the world. As his thoughts died restoring his sleep, he heard a pleasant voice whispering in his ears…….”Before you start living tomorrow, decide the way you want to die….”

TMEN – The Midnight Express News

Here it is… Something that I had always wanted to start was a news network and now I am officially launching “The Midnight Express News” (TMEN), the Network that promises Hilarious News.

This is a venture first of its kind for me, and it is unlikely for the laughing quotient to be on a large scale here in the first post. There will be improvements in the forthcoming reports and will make sure this entertains every visitor. So here we go…

1. Vijay’s Kuruvi takes off….

Chennai police gathered at the Cinema theaters for crowd control have stated that controlling the fans of Vijay, on the day of release of his new film Kuruvi, was arduous.

One of them said, “We managed the crowd that were going into the cinema theater by lining them up but soon after the movie began, the crowd stormed out of the theaters and we had to call back up team to avoid stampedes.”

Though very few stayed till the end of the movie, the theater owners have expressed that they toiled to empty the theater after the show.

One of the owners, speaking to TMEN, stated that, “About 10% of the seats were filled as the movie neared its end and after its finish I had to send a team to force the remaining men out of the building. People who stayed were either in a deep slumber or were happy inseparable couples. “

Looks like Kuruvi is just doing its exact job!!

Also, it is evident now, that Vijay has given up his dreams of becoming the next super star… He is now battling with NOBODY to settle as the next T.R… His song in Kuruvi “yeh danna darrana” has been reverently ripped from T.R’s “yeh dandankka, yeh danukudakka…”

Simbhu kuda next T.R aaganum nu nenakkali!!

2. Vijay reveals at Dasavatharam launch

Dasavatharam music launch was one of the most magisterial and grandest shows and what have we got here… Vijay reveals… Wait a minute... I know Mallika Sherawat was more revealing than vijay or asin but… what I mean by vijay reveals is his blatant acceptance of a fact that has shocked his fans all over the world…

Vijay was seen uttering repeatedly to kamal… “na unga kittendhu nariya kathukanum….”(I have to learn a lot from you)….. The obvious meaning threw the hands of his fans in horror….

Vijay doesn’t know to do the “lip kiss”!!!!!

However, questions have bobbed up about the absence of Ajith and presence of Vijay in the Dasavatharam music launch…. What could this possibly mean??... Very well.. with directors like Perarasu filming record-making…err….record-breaking movies and Simbhu creating stories in which he be the only male actor “ensoying” all female leads, it is a pipe dream for these heros do find a decent script… so what do you do?? REMAKE an old film….

There are the possible titles for Vijay’s movies if remade from Kamal hits…

Nayagan – Nayakari (Derivative of Pokkiri)

Micheal Madana Kama Rajan – Kakka Kuruvi Palli Karapampuchi

Aboorva Sagotharargal – Sarama vedikum Bijili (Inspired from Sivakasi)

Aalavandhaan – Olaravandhaan

Raaja Paarvai – Kabothi (inspired from Aathi)

Enna Koduma Sir idhu.....

3. Vijay Mallya’s life - Bob Woolmer calling

Speaking to the reporters, Vijaya Mallya said “I have spent $110 million on the team and now I am seeing Bob Woolmer in my dreams.” The sad man has sacked Charu Sharma, the manager of the Royal Challengers Banglore, stating that he is solely responsible for team’s miserable performance.

Charu Sharma is a popular television guy renowned for compeering Extra Innings. The RC owner believed in his strategies for the game but poor Mallya didn’t quite know that his strategy is only bringing hot women into the television screens along with him in Extra innings so as to make his shows “watchable”.

But wait a minute….his strategies did work for RCs….how?….The RC cheerleaders are, most definitely, the hottest of the those in the IPL…

Talking about cheerleaders, Vijay Mallya is said to have wrangled with them too. They have been accused by him for “unsatisfactory limited dancing” and also announced that their pay will be lowered considerably. When asked to react to this, the enraged cheerleaders told the media that they will dance only for fours and sixes!!!

“Engey sellum indha paadhai….Yaaro yaaro arivaaro..”

4. Lalit Modi wants more from Yuvaraj’s team

The Chairman of the IPL, Mr.Lalit Modi, has expressed his liking towards Yuvaraj Singh and his team’s cricketing performance. Talking about IPL, he stated that Yuvaraj’s Captaincy is stealing the IPL show and his team has all prospects of winning it. He also stated that he himself is a great fan of Yuvi and wants to see him blasting more sixes in the tournament. However all forms of analysis over these statements returns only one meaning …. “I want to be with Priety Zinta during the game and hug her and enjoy for all the sixes!!”

Nalla podringada kadalaiya……

That’s it for today….. Will be back with lots more….

Reminiscence - My School LIfe

It was 3 AM and I was not able to sleep. It always happens that in my study holidays, the nights become days and vice versa. It happened that night.

So i ladened my mind with my past. The versatility of experiences in my life always makes sure that there is always something in past to think of. Of course, for no person past will be empty but for every person his/her past is something to either remember or forget.

For me, my past is something I always want to forget but yet want to remember.

I still live with the pride of having studied in a school that always takes its comfortable position within top 5 chennai schools every year (thrice 1^st). But I was always one of those students who never lived up to the school’s expectations. I was, as they called it, one of the threats to the brand “P.S”. But I enjoyed the school. I loved living there…..and would love to re-live there….

I don’t have a retentive mind, but that night my mind retrograded back to those olden days in school where everything that happened in my 11^th and 12^th was one of the worst concoction of happiness and bitterness. When I look back at it now, I miss even the sorrow times I have had in my school.

Something that happened in 11^th was the epoch-making turning point in my life. I still feel like thanking the party concerned who made possible the things that happened, after he complained about me to my class teacher. My chemistry madams’ aversion towards me started there….right there. That’s when my reputation in school started to blow off.

And from her, it went through my physics ma’am and to my English ma’am. Awesome. Now every teacher in my high school who handled my class abominated me.

I can never forget the times I spent in my chemistry class feeling like a bug and desperately unwanted by Sundari ma’am. The words she used to describe me are still reverberating in my ears. I remember my maths sir and his classes. Somehow his way of teaching maths never suited me. I even told him that. His ego hurt when I told him that I like and prefer the other maths teacher, Usha Ma’am (popular as U.V) and way of teaching. He took it too personal and from then on, our personal foes were never ended. I remember those times in 12^th when the intensity of the unpleasantness hovered as weeks crossed.

But I never cared, because bigger things were happening and I was making sure that my heart could scaffold the building of something beautiful.

Funny incidents, then serious, still stand in front of my eyes.

I know this is a post poorly vivid and badly organized but I wanted to put down the flow that sequenced it.

That night, I reminisced the school days; I re-lived the best and worst times, I re-experienced every feeling I felt in unforgettable past. I mixed some grape juice for myself after the memories met their completion at 5 am, and I slept a dreamy dawn….

Let me present to you - my school life……… sometime….